Everybody likes lists, and I’ve become interested in injury data, so today I’m going to attempt to give you ONE-HUNDRED AND ONE FORTY-THREE unbelievable and fascinating injury stats!

Some caveats before we begin: I only have access to data that’s public on the web, there’s a lot of junk so in some cases I’ve disregarded data that doesn’t seem to add up, and I’ve avoided including career-ending (or indeed life-ending) injuries and illnesses in individual stats, although they will show up in aggregate stats.

I should also point out that I am not a doctor, so I am not going to attempt to group injuries together in sensible ways beyond what’s absolutely obvious. I literally do not know what the knee bone is connected to. Do knees even have bones? What are bones? I don’t know, I only have data and find the human body disgusting. Let’s move on:

1. Most injuries suffered by a player: 41, Franck Ribéry
2. Most injuries suffered by a team: 409, Werder Bremen
3. Longest individual injury: 1064 days, Shaun Barker
4. Most days spent injured: 1568, Tufan Tosunoğlu
5. Most days lost by a team to injuries: 15482, Werder Bremen
6. Most injured body part: Knee, 2694+
7. Shortest average injury: contused laceration, 4 days
8. Longest average injury: fractured tibia and fibula, 246 days
9. Shortest recovery time from fractured tibia and fibula: 44 days, Jan Fitschen
10. Shortest recovery time from fractured tibia and fibula that I can check by Googling: 128 days, Neil McCann
11. Longest recovery time from fractured tibia and fibula: 807 days, Christian Muller
12. Most games lost in total across all leagues to an injury: 34366, Cruciate ligament rupture
13. Most recurrences of same injury: 10, Tim Petersen, Knee injury
14. Most different types of injury suffered: 33, Sven Bender
15. Number of times I’ve got worried I’m not going to get to 101: 1
16. Most injuries by league since 2012/13: 1081, German Bundesliga
17. Least injuries by league: 231, French Ligue 1
18. Most games lost to injury by league: 8954, English Premier League
19. Least games lost to injury by league: 1569, French Ligue 1
20. Most days lost to injury by league: 58457, English Premier League
21. Least days lost to injury by league: 10201, French Ligue 1
22. Most injuries suffered by a team in a single season: 79, Werder Bremen, 2008/9
23. Most games lost to injury by a team in a single season: 294, Werder Bremen, 2008/9
24. Least games lost to injury by a team in a single season: 6, Montpellier, 2011 (not entirely sure I trust the data)
25. Most injuries suffered by an EPL team: 266, Arsenal
26. Most games lost to injury by an EPL team: 2184, Arsenal
27. Most games missed by an EPL player: 250, Abou Diaby
28. Most different players injured: 85, Arminia Bielefeld
29. Most different players injured in a single season: 30, AC Milan, 2011/12
30. Most different players suffering same injury: 28, Austria Vienna, Illness
31. Biggest outbreak of illness or flu at a club: 11 players, Austria Vienna, 2009
32. Most different players suffering same injury in a single season: 13, Dundee Utd, Knee injury, 2014/15
33. Most seasons a team has experienced the same injury: 10, Arsenal, Thigh problems
34. Number of players relapsing within 1 game: 32, e.g. Vincent Kompany
35. Longest time between relapses: 2732 days, Leighton Baines, Malleolar injury, 2007 & 2015
36. Number of people who believed I would actually be able to come up with 101 of these: 0
37. Fewest games missed for a title-winner: 6, Manchester City, 2011/12
38. Most games missed for a title-winner: 351, Bayern Munich, 2014/15
39. Most games missed or a relegated team: 318, Queens Park Rangers, 2014/15
40. Fewest games missed for a relegated team: 40, Blackburn rovers, 2011/12
41. Highest coefficient of variation among injury layoffs (10 or more incidences): 302.5%, Pneumonia
42. Lowest coefficient of variation among injury layoffs:  37.8%, Cruciate ligament surgery
43. R² of career games missed to challenges (tackles, aerials, take ons): 0.0128

Okay, so, ran out of steam a bit and I think I’ve tweaked my anterior SQL ligament. If you are not satiated and have any particular stat requests, just ask on Twitter. I will of course be attempting to do some more serious work with this stuff in the coming weeks, but I just wanted to see what the data look like.

In the meantime, sort yourselves out Arsenal and Werder Bremen, you need to learn what serious pain is.